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Hank Quote-a-Thon!
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 Candor Is His Middle NameYou never know what's going to come out of Hank's mouth: from scathing one-liners to jaded verbal diarrhea, he's got an arsenal of words aimed steadily at anyone who triggers them -- even complete strangers! Gather up your collection of laugh-out-loud, lewd, priceless, OMG! quotes and share them here. Click the EasyEdit button to add your favorite zingers! |
 User name: SugarbootsLocation: Seattle, WA | My favorite Hank line: "To quote The Clash, should I stay or should I rock the casbah?" Said to: His/her reaction: My immediate reaction: I think this line is genius! |
| User name: Sugarboots Location: Seattle, WA | My favorite Hank line: You can't snort a line of coke off a woman’s a** and not wonder about her hopes and dreams, it's not gentlemanly. Said to: His/her reaction: My immediate reaction: Well put, Hank. I think that's true! |
 User name:MiaWantsMe Location: Santa Monica, CA | My favorite Hank line: B*****s. Said to: Charlie His/her reaction: Nods approval. My immediate reaction: B*****s, indeed. |
| User name: MiaWantsMe Location: Santa Monica, CA | My favorite Hank line: You're looking at me like I just finger-b****d your cat. Said to: Meredith His/her reaction: Sting. My immediate reaction: He probably shouldn't have said that. What if she's like a "cat lady"? |
 User name:MiaWantsMe Location: Santa Monica, CA | My favorite Hank line: She's got a nose ring too. You know what that means. Said to: Charlie His/her reaction: No, I don't. My immediate reaction: Is it humanly possibly to "take in the nose?" |
| User name: MiaWantsMe Location: Santa Monica, CA | My favorite Hank line: She's beyond ballsy. Said to: Charlie His/her reaction: You are correct. My immediate reaction: That word, ballsy, really does describe Mia Lewis. |
| User name: Touchmymully Location: Jackson, MI | My favorite Hank line: Oh, look at the time.... The big hand says F**k, and the little hand says Off..... Good thing there's not a second hand. I'm goin' in. Said to: The receptionist outside Charlie's office His/her reaction: What could he say? You can't come back from a line a sweet as that. My immediate reaction: Hank, I want to be you. |
| User name:Docturnal Location: | My favorite Hank line: "So not only are you a cadaverous slut, but you also have sh***y taste in movies" Said to: Sandy Carr (Caramel coated, chrome domed directors wife) His/her reaction: ouch and anger My immediate reaction: damn, classic. |
| User name:kinetickyle Location: Oklahoma City | My favorite Hank line: I just get so lonely sometimes. I need a hug for a moment and the moment passes. I'm good. Smell you later. Said to: Karen while using her to hide from Sandy Carr at the fundraiser. His/her reaction: Utter confusion and more than a little embarassment. My immediate reaction: When is the next opportunity for me to use that line? |
| User name:DCALIVE Location: | My favorite Hank line: I won't go down in history, but I will go down on your sister. Said to: An apple computer His/her reaction: its a damn computer My immediate reaction: Absolutely hilarioius. Glad to see Hank writing again, and glad to know to keep him away from my sister |
| User name: Chariot13 Location: Boston, MA | My favorite Hank line: I love women. I have all their albums. Said to: His/her reaction: My immediate reaction: I hate him. But I love him. |
| User name:badboygr Location: Greece | My favorite Hank line: A morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness Said to: The blog His/her reaction: My immediate reaction: That's a big truth |
| User name: Location: | My favorite Hank line: "Hey,Runkulus Maximus" Said to: Charlie His/her reaction: My immediate reaction: Good quote as usual! |
| User name: Location: | My favorite Hank line: "Oh, kiss the tip!" Said to: His/her reaction: My immediate reaction: That was funny. |
| User name: Location: | My favorite Hank line: Well, you should've called. I wouldn't have answered, but you coulda left a message, which I would've quickly erased. Said to: Bill His/her reaction: None. My immediate reaction: Hilarious. |
| User name:Sligsixty Location:Brooklyn,NY | My favorite Hank line: Nobody likes you. You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile you f*****g douche! Said to: His reflection His/her reaction: Flashes a huge fake grin. My immediate reaction: Amazed. |
| User name: Avrg_joe Location: ep5 | My favorite Hank line: "Do you want me to want you to suck my c*ck" Said to: Bill His/her reaction: change subject My immediate reaction: Hahahaha Another one to hank |
| User name: Avrg_joe Location: | My favorite Hank line: "wo wo wo what the f**k was that, you just blew me off, you think i can't afford this penile implant on wheels" Said to: car sales lady he screws in the next scene, in the new porsche he buys His/her reaction: typical sales cover up well try to cover up My immediate reaction: what a b**** gold digger. |
| User name: Avrg_joe Location: | My favorite Hank line:[People] seem to be getting dumber and dumber. I mean we have all this amazing technology and yet computers have turned into basically four figure wank machines. The Internet was supposed to set us free, democratize us, but all it’s really given us is Howard Dean’s aborted candidacy and 24-hour a day access to kiddie porn, you know. And people don’t write anymore, they blog; instead of talking, they text; no punctuation, no grammar. LOL this and LMFAO that. You know it just seems to me that it’s just a bunch of stupid people psuedo-communicating with a bunch of other stupid people in a proto-language that resembles more what cavemen used to speak than the king’s English. Said to: Henry Rollins in "LOL" His/her reaction: "Yet you're part of the problem, blogging with the best of them"... Hank's reply, "Hence, my self-loathing" then takes a swig of liquor. My immediate reaction: Nice one. |
| User name: Avrg_joe Location: | My favorite Hank line:I love all women. I love you. I'll make a run at you... Krusty. I will! Said to: Grocery store clerk His/her reaction: Indifferent, yet annoyed. My immediate reaction: Priceless. |
| User name: RicGold Location: Manchester, UK | My favorite Hank line: Yo K-Fed, the little man in the boat, he's up here! That's where he is [demonstrates]. Right here... Said to: Husband of the girl in the first scene of the pilot episode His/her reaction: He's too busy arguing with his wife and I don't think he get's it anyway... My immediate reaction: Genius! |
| User name: omnipredation Location: USA | My favorite Hank line: "Oh, and it'd be nice if I could fellate myself while farting the White album, but I haven't quite mastered that yet." Said to: Bill-bo-Bagins and Karen His/her reaction: Bill shrugs it off as usual and Karen hides a smile.. My immediate reaction: Real men of Genius... |
| User name: 9Catsz Location: USA | My favorite Hank line: "Smell you later." Said to: Karen His/her reaction: I think she loves it too. My immediate reaction: I love it. |
| User name: 9Catsz Location: USA | My favorite Hank line: "You sure you don't have a grabass appointment with an alter boy?" Said to: Bill in a dream His/her reaction: "There's plenty of time for that." Then he checks out Hank's package. My immediate reaction: Dayum Hank's funny and I love his nutty dreams. |
| User name:Jarmusch Location:Romania | My favorite Hank line:"Come again...so to speak!" Said to:Gym girl. His/her reaction:Smile. My immediate reaction:LOL |
| User name:tequilasunrise7 Location:canada | My favorite Hank line: "What did I do? I handled the f*** outta that shit!" Said to: Karen after telling her Becca got her period His/her reaction: My immediate reaction: laughed my ass off... perfect delivery! |
| User name: MrMoodysMadness Location:US of A | My favorite Hank line:"Consider yourself defiled.." Said to: Asian broad hes "satisfying" when he has to rescue Becca from the valley party. His/her reaction: "Your an a$$hole" and she throws up a dour face as Hank leaves her in his bed and zooms out the door. My immediate reaction: Im gonna use that line alot, this i know. |
| User name: MrMoodysMadness Location:US of A | My favorite Hank line: "Rectum... Damn near killed 'em.." Said to: Himself, in reference to the guy in the rascal in episode 1/Season 2. His/her reaction: he smirks. My immediate reaction: "Whats a pro-lapsed rectum?" hahaha. |
| User name: MrMoodysMadness Location:US of A | My favorite Hank line: "A BRONER!!! An unintentional male inspired b*ner.. thats the word I'm looking for" Said to:Charlie His/her reaction: Utter amazement and shock as usual. My immediate reaction: "That's what that's called!!!" |
| User name: Martijn Location: Amsterdam, Holland | My favorite Hank line:Life is too short to dance with fat girls Said to:dont remember His/her reaction: neither My immediate reaction: Life is all about priorities |
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See also: Californication Caption-off | Californication Alphabet Game | Californication Top Ten Lists
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